The Perfect Life {and a special giveaway}

**I’m so excited to share my “kitchen table on the internet” with my friend Amy Carroll today. If you’ve ever tried to be perfect or pursue perfect, I know Amy’s words will bless you  …

How my heart ached as I walked through my much loved, empty house. Now, instead of being filled with the laughter of little boys, the whispers of love between my husband and me, and the barking of my rambunctious dog, the rooms echoed with only my footsteps.

The moving trucks had already left, taking the bits and pieces of my life with them, but I remained alone. And I grieved.

I loved that house, not just for its antique beauty, but for the hopes and dreams that had thrived there. This was the house I thought I’d watch my boys leave when they headed to college. This was the house where I thought I’d play with my grandchildren. I planned to grow gray there, so I poured my heart and soul into making it a home.

That house held my dreams of the perfect life.

But God had different plans. My husband Barry got a new job in a different city, and I found myself moving away from a home, from friends and from a church family. Suddenly, my perfect plan for a perfect life seemed marred. Things looked very imperfect to me.

For a moment, a seed of resentment tried to sprout in my heart. Barry seemed to be getting his perfect life—a better job with lots of excitement attached—while I was giving up my vision of perfection.

“What about me?!” my heart cried.

Gently God whispered this familiar passage from His Word into my heart,

‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” Jeremiah 29:11

My rebellious heart rested in this comfort. God would never change my life’s plans without the best for me in mind. He didn’t forget me when He gave my husband a new opportunity. He was still in control, and His plans for me are truly perfect.

Are you wrestling today?

Maybe you’re wondering if God has forgotten you in your circumstances because they sure aren’t perfect. Maybe your perfect life has been shattered by loss or rejection or pain. Maybe you’re hopeless or unsure if God sees you.

I understand. I’d like to take your hand and assure you. God sees you. He knows your dreams for the perfect life. But He has a plan that is greater than anything we can dream up or pursue ourselves.

Only when we end our pursuit of perfection can God begin His perfecting work in us.

I walked out of my beloved home that day without knowing what was ahead but filled with the peace of knowing that God was with me. He shapes the life that is perfect for me and perfects me in the process.

amy carroll

Amy Carroll is a speaker, writer, and International Initiatives Coordinator with Proverbs 31 Ministries. Amy and her husband live in Holly Springs, NC with a bossy miniature dachshund.  You can find her on any given day texting her two sons at college, typing at her computer, reading a book, or trying to figure out one more alternative to cooking dinner.  Share life with Amy at www.amycarroll.org and find out more about her speaker coaching services at www.nextstepspeakerservices.org. 

Amy is giving away a copy of her book Breaking Up with Perfect here this week. Leave a comment by Friday, April 22, to enter to win. If you’re living in warp-speed, simply say “I’m breaking up with perfect!” in the comments.

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Have you ever had a plan that didn’t work out? Do you feel like you’re living your call? Join Katy at the She Laughs women’s conference May 13-14 in Mesquite, Tx. We’ll give you a place to rest and recharge while we help you navigate life and connect to God’s call.

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67 Comments

  2. The hardest part for me of letting go of perfect is realizing that my idea of “perfect” was held in my expectations. Expectations I didn’t even know I had until life wasn’t “perfect”.

    1. There’s so much wisdom in your words, Jessica. I think so many of us have those unspoken expectations we never even realized were there. Thanks for sharing!

    2. So true, Jessica! Letting go of unrealistic expectations has upped my happiness quotient exponentially!

  4. I gave up on perfect a long time ago!! No one is perfect except my Lord and savior Jesus Christ????????????????

  5. I wrote a note but it got lost so I’m just going to say I’m breaking up with perfect.

  6. I wrote a note but it got lost so I’m just going to say I’m breaking up with perfect.

  7. Over the years I’m slowly breaking up with perfect. I’m learning to “recognize” my strengths….not my best friend’s, not the ladies at church or the ladies at work but MY strengths and I know God is not finished with me yet. Thank you for an inspiring devotional. ~Lisa~

    1. “God is not finished with me yet” … I love those words, Lisa! And that’s why we can all break up with perfect and let God perfect us. Thanks for sharing!

  10. Just what I needed this morning as I struggle with things not being what I expected them to be at this stage of my life. I am letting go with perfect as I turn over (again) the struggles to God and submit to his plan.

    1. I love your commitment to keep turning your struggles over to God, Hope! We can all learn from that persistence. Great to hear from you!

  11. Oh how I struggle with this daily! I so want to break up with trying to be perfect! ????????

  16. I’m breaking up with perfect. How ridiculous of me to think that my plan is better than His.. How much striving and stress I can let go! Abba, please forgive me for the pride and confidence I have in my own abilities, and help me remember in every moment that You already see me as perfect because of the cross. The struggle is real, Lord. Please send help.

    1. Beautiful prayer, Lisa, and something for us all to dwell on, “You already see me as perfect because of the cross.” Thanks for sharing!

  17. Breaking up with what I thought perfect was. Waiting to see God’s plan for me, tomorrow is a new day. ☀️

  20. Thank you for the verse from Jeremiah. Wanting to know His plans after a miscarriage and praying for our church to unify and get motivated to change and grow.

  25. So glad to meet you. I can relate on so any levels. Thank you for writing from your heart to encourage others!!

  28. I’m trying to Break Up With Perfect. Just need a little help and encouragement. I think your book would do just that:)

  31. I’m breaking up with perfect! God is so good .I serve in the youth ministry at my church and guess what I was going to teach this Sunday ? Yep,perfection .

  33. I need to break up with perfect. I just need to let go of trying to control everything and give it all to Jesus! Easier said than done!

  35. My obsession with perfection has hindered my family life, my jobs, and so much more. God had been trying to get my attention for many years, I am finally a heeding what He presents. I am ready to “stop the cycle” and make a clean breaj with perfection. I must share with my children so they can learn this before they are as old as I am!

  36. We sold our home and moved into a rental we absolutely loved. We hoped to buy it, but that didn’t happen. We bought another home that is okay–not what we wanted, but good for now. I am praying for grace to have joy in the “good enough”. I am working to learn to not miss the everyday joys even when things aren’t perfect.

  37. “I’m breaking up with perfect!” … I am super busy these days. I often read blogs and decide I don’t have time to comment. But, I want to comment! Why? Because as a writer, speaker, and blogger myself, I know how encouraging it can be to know that someone took the time read your writings. Then for them to share the thoughts provoked by your writings, is simply the “cherry on top.” So here it is: I am breaking up perfect! This message has reminded me to trust in the God I serve to continue to provide ALL of my needs, even in the midst of some imperfect situations. I’ve been battling some negative internal dialogue, again! And during this battles, can really spiral downwards. Well, the root of my downward spiral is my obsession with perfection! NOW, however, I’ve been encouraged to at least TRY to let go of this obsession so that God can began his perfecting work within me. Thanks!

    1. Thanks for taking the time to share here, Christy! I can relate to that inner dialogue and the poison it can be to our souls. I love your words, “This message has reminded me to trust in the God I serve to continue to provide ALL of my needs.” Awesome!

  39. I’d like to think that I too have given up trying to be “perfect”. . .but then I was faced with a change – my first childs going to school for the first time! I questioned everything I did after I didn’t get the warm and fuzzy welcome mat I was expecting! I was out of my comfort zone and feeling self conscious . Trying to please others and do things perfectly became knee jerk reactions that left me questioning my growth and just plain making me mad! I thought I was over this and had grown out of this. But if I’m being honest, becoming a parent has brought up so many insecurities. I thank God for His guidance and grace and need to fill my head and heart with His truth on this matter daily sometimes to bring me back down from a perfectionist pedestal!

    1. Parenting has a way of doing that, right?!? I totally understand those insecurities. I often wonder why God picked me to handle such precious treasures. I love what you said about filling your heart daily with His truth! So true!! Thanks for sharing, Krissy!

  40. I had a perfect plan but lost it…life has a way of doing that…especially when it’s not God’s plan…which has turned out so much better! Praise & Blessings…
    ???? + ???????? = ????

  41. Thank you for sharing your story, Katy! I look forward to reading more about your adventures with God.

    1. Hi Mary! Thanks for sharing. I love how you put that, “adventures with God”. ????

  42. I thought I’d given up on being perfect long ago, but as I face newer and more frequent challenges I realise that all my struggles boil down to my refusal to let my life be IMperfect. The desire is so deep-seated and hidden that I barely recognise it, but it drives my life-responses and causes all kinds of trouble. I SO need to get rid of/renounce/reduce this unconscious tendency to perfectionism….

    1. In fact, trying to be perfect is simply paralysing! I’m becoming more and more IMperfect, the more I struggle. This has to end!

  44. Katy~
    I desperately need to break up with perfect. Up until recently,
    I had been in denial for such a long time.
    God has started peeling the scales from my eyes and allowing His light back in. I am a wife and a mother of 3. I hope to win your book and plan to bless someone else with it after I read it….. a few times ????
    So grateful for proverbs 31 and all of the godly women The Lord puts in my path.
    I pray you experience abundant blessings on your journey. Please pray for my marriage, me and my children.

  45. It is in our weaknesses (imperfections) that God can really work! Unfulfilled expectations and the need for worldly praise kept me on the hampster wheel of perfection! Help me Lord to seek only glorifying you in all I do!

  46. Breaking up with perfect….is a tremendously liberating idea that it encouraged me, a true 68 year old imperfect perfectionist to let go!!!
    I loved the excerpt I read!
    Thank you!!!

  47. Katy, thanks for having Amy as a guest. What great teachers you both are. God has blessed me with your encouraging wrods.
    Linda

    1. Hi Linda! What a joy to have Amy guest post here! Thank you for your sweet words.

  48. I am still learning how to not be so perfect. i know the contest is over but I speak this in the atmosphere

  49. I am breaking up with perfect, I had an amazing successful life —-mortgage specialist at successful Canadian bank, and full time single mom, my favourite job was raising my children .. The pressure got up to me and unfortunately due to some circumstances that I felt responsible for it wasn’t long before I was feeling sorry for myself and starting drinking and doing drugs to numb the pain and pretend I still had a perfect life . I thank God everyday for allowing me to experience rock bottom so I could rely on his grace and love everyday . Jesus rescued me and I have been sober and drug free for over three years and the he even found me a career to start over. I am so thankful I am not perfect because it made me realize how perfect our God is and how much he loves his children.
    Romans 8:28 was the verse that changed my life and I just love Jesus for dying on the cross so I could walk with my head held high in a small community that knows our family secret. God has taken away my addiction and my three children have a Heavenly Father to guide them and protect them in a cruel world . Thank Jesus for loving the people that make mistakes and poor choices .

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