If You’ve Ever Thought, “I Can’t Handle This”
I choked back tears as I rolled out my apology.
All I could see was the big mess surrounding me.
Just a few weeks before, the kids and I crossed state lines to join my husband and our newest team. This move, however, came one week before the season-opener, so Luke’s hours were long and I carried most of the load.
Adjusting to a new city and new routines proved heavy for a while and I felt sure I was letting things slip. I’m being the mom I should be, the wife I should be or the woman I should be, I thought.
“I’m sorry, babe,” I said with my head hung. “I want to do better.”
I waited for a patient nod or reassuring pat on the arm, but instead Luke turned to me with a different expression and a bit of a smirk,
“What?!” he laughed.
The next few minutes are a blur, but I do remember him specifically saying he didn’t care if I cooked dinner every night and I should order pizza once in a while. His point was clear, though … he didn’t need my striving to satisfy him.
His expectations of me were far different than my self-imposed expectations.
Lists can be good. They can organize us and maximize our time and energy. They can help us stay on course. But sometimes our lists can grow much too long.
In the quietness of our inner thoughts, we can impose expectations on ourselves no one ever demanded of us. And in the process of trying to achieve those unspoken standards we suffocate ourselves and our relationships.
Often these lengthy lists pour from a desire to do all and be all for the people we love. We want to give them our best all of the time yet the expression of our “best” contorts into something else.
As I talked to God one day, I emptied my heart’s deepest concern, God, I’m afraid I can’t be all I need to be for them. I’m afraid I can’t love them enough.
And you can imagine my surprise when I sensed God agreeing with me! Aren’t you suppose to encourage me right now, God? Isn’t this the moment where you tell me how I can do all things through you?
But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'” 2 Corinthians 12:9a (NIV)
Instead of His power, God pointed me to His grace, reminding me, if His grace is sufficient for me it is also sufficient for the people I love.
The unnecessary apology I offered Luke that day ended in an enlightening conversation that not only strengthened our home but also freed my spirit.
Is there a relationship you need to hand over to God’s grace?
Who are you trying to impress with your works? Whose attention or approval are you seeking to gain? It could be a spouse or a child. A parent or even God himself. Look at your list of things you must do and ask yourself, “Says who?” Then let God lead you to the truth.
Join the Conversation! Think about the one relationship where you struggle to achieve the most. In the comments section below, tell us one thing you can do today to sprinkle God’s grace on your expectations.
