How to Train Your Dragon, I mean Your Child

Want to enjoy your family more? The image of a pleasant dinner tempts you to dream. Inside voices. Smiling faces. Laughs and constructive conversation bounce off the walls of your mind. Then reality gives you it’s own kind of ice-bucket challenge. Right?

Before I go one word further I need to make this clear – I don’t have the answer. We tried reading together after dinner last night and didn’t get through two pages before we put the book down and said, Forget it!

I don’t have the answers. But I have heard of this idea called imperfect progress. Maybe we’re not there, but we’re headed there – imperfectly. So today, I invite you to join me on that imperfect journey to the goal. Whatever that goal may be for you.

A few weeks ago I posted this picture on my Facebook page.

With the help of a peel and stick chalkboard we posted a menu for mealtime manners on the wall in our kitchen. I heard a seasoned mother say our kids don’t always know what we expect of them, so I work to recognize when my expectations may be vague and clear it up.

But, how do you even get here? How do you know what to say or write on a chalkboard, in this case?

We know what we want our kids to do, but it usually comes out something like, “Stop that!” or “Shhhhhhh!”

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” 2 Timothy 3:16-17 (NIV)

So we get the rebuke and correction part right but often forget to teach and train. That’s where I want to meet you today. What do we really want from our children?

“Act right” won’t suffice, especially in a world with blurred lines. Teaching and training requires time, repetition and flat out hard work. With a professional athlete for a husband, I can tell you training basically stinks most of the time. Training forces you to do things you’d rather not do, to obtain the results you want.

Condition the body and it will do what you tell it to do on gameday. Prepare the mind and it won’t let you down under pressure. We have to do the same things with our kids. Condition their hearts and prepare their minds.

So when I started to work on training at the dinner table instead of considering what I don’t want them to do, I tried to lead them towards what I do want them to do.

We apply the same system to other things. For instance, when I call a child’s name, they know what to do, “Say ‘Yes mam’ and look at you.” One day years ago I found myself calling a child’s name over and over and over. My voice raised and patience sunk and the boy not answering turned into a dagger of disrespect. But God stopped me long enough to whisper, have you ever taught him what to do?

I gulped at the obvious, “no,” and changed my tactics.

I want an immediate response from my children. It trains them to respond to God’s voice and also creates a place of peace and respect in our home. But how do we get there? Every day since, we tell and remind and practice with our kids, “What do you do when you hear your name?”

At bed time it’s the same thing: “Head on your pillow. Eyes shut. Mouth shut.” I say those words instead of screaming, “BE QUIET!” for an hour.

Replacing my expressions of what I don’t want my kids to do with a guide towards what I do want them to do allows them to learn and me to lead the way God leads me – with love, patience, gentleness and goodness.

Dear Jesus, may I model your love and instruction in my life to my children today. May I seek to teach and train not just rebuke and correct. You are my Rock and my Fortress. For Your Name’s sake, lead and guide me.

 

Leave a Comment! by this Saturday and tell me about your training techniques or one way you will focus on the “dos” instead of the “do nots;” I’ll send you a Do This! checklist to help you parent each day!