Real Love for Real Life
I remember when Valentine’s Day was a big deal. You either loved the question, What are you doing for Valentine’s Day? because you had ultra-romantic plans. Or you dreaded the question because you had no plans.
Now, Valentine’s Day is really more of an annoyance than anything else. Since neither Luke nor I possess gift giving as a love language we like to say every day is Valentine’s Day, thereby relieving each other of any and all romance-based sweets or surprises. It works for us.
Even so, the day still remains and lots of people spend lots of money to show their love.
This year I started wondering, though. Why is the heart this day’s cover girl?
Buy a girl a pack of M&Ms on V-Day and you’re likely to get a roll of the eyes, or worse, in return. But give a girl chocolate in a heart-shaped box and Voila! You made a smile. Kids cut out hearts or make them with macaroni noodles. Stuffed bears hold them. Little girls wear them.
Our baby girl, Leah, wears these pajamas with little hearts all about.
The boys love them because it reminds them of a cow. They’re super cute, but I’m looking at these hearts and thinking, Is that right? Does a heart really paint the picture of love?
This year, I think if I want to show my love I’ll fashion a picture of my life … laid down … for Him.
And him.
And them.
And all of them.
Because that’s what Jesus did. And that’s what He said.
Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13 (KJV)
Or maybe I’ll draw a bunch of little brains. Brains deciding to smile instead of scream. Or teach instead of tear down. Or offer mercy instead of judgement. Or simply be quiet instead of spilling all of my opinions.
No way that image looks as cute as the cow-print hearts, but I think that’s more realistic. Because isn’t real love a little gritty sometimes? Isn’t it practical more often than poetic? But, somehow the real-life love is more romantic than the, “Katy, will you accept this rose?” kind.
Like that night …..
In a rental home in Jacksonville, Florida, Luke and I shared a small room with two big dogs, a newborn baby girl and a knee machine. Two months earlier Luke tore a ligament in his knee. Surgery fixed him. Rehab strengthened him. But rehab came with a machine – in the bed, all night – bending and straightening Luke’s knee. We figured we got the 1920’s version of said machine, since it squeaked and creaked with every extension.
Add the newborn to the mix and an occasional re-positioning of the giant dogs in the corner, and we weren’t sleeping much. Cherry on top: the boys got a stomach bug, and we found out about it in the middle of the night.
While Luke helped Jonah into the shower I scrubbed the carpet. The rest is a blur. Except for one moment.
The next day, after dogs and knee machines and newborns and throw-up, Luke came home from work. I expected him to fall into the nearest chair and snore, but he didn’t.
Instead, he found me. With a smile he bent over to kiss my forehead and said,
“There’s no one else in the world I’d rather clean up puke with at 3 a.m. than you. I love doing life with you.”
You’ll likely never find those words etched on a Hallmark card, but they are etched on my heart forever. Not because they came in a pretty package. Not because I felt all warm and fuzzy inside. But because real love met real life, and it bloomed.
That memory – that awful memory – makes me smile today. And, you know, I think Jesus might say the same.
who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:2 (ESV)
Have you ever seen real love in real life? Will you share it with me here? Leave a Comment! Let’s celebrate when real love meets real life and blooms!
For every story of real love in real life written in the comments today a donation of $10 will be made to Compassion International.
I like to think of these comments as beautiful flowers in a grand bouquet from a Daddy to His children on Valentine’s Day! Please help us send this bouquet to children around the world! Leave a Comment!
Happy Valentine’s Day!
So so true! I was JUST talking about this with some friends and I think that what I find romantic has changed so much over the years. My first example real life true love is him promising to be on “all time vomit duty” when we first had kids…and to this vomi-phobe that is it’s own love language!
Other examples like you said…coming home from a long day of work and immediately stepping in and helping instead of crashing on the couch like he wants to. Calling in the afternoon to tell me he will bring home dinner…knowing it was a rough day. His ability to see when I have reached maximum capacity and rounding up all the kids and taking them for a walk or “adventure” to give me a few moments of a quiet house to re-group. Or rubbing my feet after a long day of being pregnant and on them all day taking care of things. Those little thoughtful self sacrificial gestures show me Love so much more than flowers and candy ever could!
Thanks for the awesome post 🙂
I’m so proud of you two! Thanks for being examples to so many of what real love for real life looks like. I pray daily that God brings someone that is exactly what you describe. Til then I am surrounded by three little people that keep me head over heels in love.
Love you friend – praying with you! Love your little people too!
love your post! real love meeting real life was shown to me through watching my mom take care of my dad through 6 years of cancer. watching my dad still care for my mom even though he was sick, watching them walk in faith together and trusting the one who could ultimately heal him. praise God for the hope we have through salvation in Jesus Christ. thanks for sharing your beautiful view of God’s love for us.
Romans 5:8 “but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
thank you for reminding us to search for REAL life love today! Makes me remember Mark caring for me so well 2 months after we started this crazy, fantastic, God sized ministry journey. I so suddenly fell ill with strep-pnuemonia and went septic. Ambulance ride straight to ICU for 3 nights, we were in hospital for 8 nights and Mark would NOT leave my side….he “slept” sitting straight up in a “pleather” chair that didn’t recline each night, watching for me to breathe. I will never forget one of my visitors, a single lady, stood over my bed after visiting with Mark a while and talking him into leaving my side long enough to get a cup of coffee… her words still resinate today…”I just pray one day God gives me someone to love me like that man loves you!” He has lived out EVERY part of our vows in different seasons of marriage and I can’t love him more than to watch him live out the love of our heavenly Father to children with no earthly father… I am blessed on this Valentines Day, and like you and Luke claim, EVERY day… our Valentines day!
Real love meets real life: I was going through a difficult time emotionally and was having severe back pain — you know, the kind that makes you wince every time you move. And early one morning, I decided I was going to be in a foul mood which included snapping at my husband every time he said or did something. After breakfast, I announced that I needed to lay down and he would have to care for our boys. So back to the bedroom I stormed and into the bed I went. An hour later, here come my 3 and 2 year old toddling into our room with their daddy trailing behind. (He was probably keeping a good distance since I had been so ugly to him before.) The boys proudly carried the construction paper get well cards they had decorated for me with their daddy’s help and guidance. That turned my day around instantly and meant more to me than any other gift. Yes the cards were cute and the mental picture of my boys toddling into my room to bring them is simply adorable! But the biggest and best gift that day was the undeserved love and care my husband showed to me in that moment. “While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8
Oh Christy! “the biggest and best gift that day was the undeserved love and care” NAILED IT!
My dear friend, Kitty, lost her husband a month ago. Together they fought a battle against cancer for years. I have never in my life seen someone who loved her husband like Kitty. She stayed with him, cared for his most personal needs, prayed with him, sang to him, praised God with him during so many difficult days, and encouraged everyone else through it all. She truly lived those vows she made to Bruce all those years ago. During a time that she could have felt sorry for the loss she knew was coming, she chose to bless the Lord and treasure every moment with her Bruce. The love she continues to show for Bruce is so much like the love our Heavenly Father has for us. True love endures the awful things. I am so thankful for the love of Jesus I have witnessed in my dear friends’ lives.
I’m so blessed by your story, Donna. Thank you for sharing. Beautiful example of the love of Christ.
Absolutely beautiful and well written post! For me, real love meets real life in the small, seemingly mundane and insignificant details of everyday life. In the changing of diapers, wiping of tiny bottoms, washing of dishes, folding of laundry, and more. In putting the needs of others before my own. In the stuff us moms do everyday not expecting a thank you. A week ago as I was headed out to the aquarium with some mom friends my husband told me to “have fun”. And like a martyr, I said that it wasn’t about me having fun, but that I was doing it so that my boys could learn, explore, and have fun. Then something happened at the aquarium, as I watched my children smile and play and enjoy their day I realized that “fun” for me has a new meaning. That about the most “fun” thing for me is to watch my sweet kiddos learn, explore, play, laugh, and engage. That real love isn’t selfish or about me, my desires, and needs, but that real love is an others centered love, delighting in others, as God delights in each of us.
I couldn’t agree more that a down and dirty, nitty-gritty kind of love trumps red roses and fancy restaurants all day long! Something that comes to mind when I think of real-life meeting real love is the rather lengthy history of our burglar alarm going off in the middle of the night. Praise the Lord, they’ve all been false alarms but the panic is always the same and our drill goes down like this: peaceful sleep interrupted by a piercing siren. We both jump out of the bed, me to the girls rooms and John completely unarmed (and not totally awake) breaks out in a full on sprint toward the front of the house…. He knows this is a terrible strategy but when that alarm goes off he’s running right into the action! Usually he ends up twisting his ankle on a doll’s head or tripping and breaking his fall with his wrist. Eventually we find the culprit. Most recently, I had hung a new frame on the wall in the fastest and easiest way possible, turns out it was not also the most secure way possible. Frame hits the ground, triggers the glass break sensor, and the fun begins. Anyway the real goodness comes when we realize we are not going to die, and by now we are wide awake and a bit hungry, so we make a bowl of cereal and hold hands on the couch while we watch infomercials and ice John’s injury and giggle about how ridiculous we must look 🙂
I am laughing out loud right now!!! Get em John!
Real love in real life valentines day looks like this:
5:30am – hubby out the door to work a 12 hour day
6:30 – pop tarts to the first two boys
7:15 – those boys out the door to school
7:45 – pop tarts to the second two boys who slept a little later
8:30 – out the door to preschool w/ those two
9-2 – laundry for 4 boys and a husband! (And maybe some dishes or feeding the dog or cleaning!)
2- preschool pick up and straight to elementary school carpool
3:30 – swim team
5:30 – soccer
8:00 – dinner w/ my husband!!!!!!
Happy valentines day to all of you doing it in REAL LIFE!
Love you sis!!!
Yep! Real life! Love you too, sis!
I definately agree. There is no one I would rather go through life’s little messes and big distasters with than my husband. Sometimes when we are in the thick of it, we just look at each other and start laughing because sometimes that’s all you can do. Being able to do that with him when we are at our worst is the best gift of love. It is like medicine for my soul.
Yep Lacy! Sometimes you just gotta laugh! 🙂
Real love in real life is often shown in the everyday things—bringing my husband a cup of coffee in bed every morning, making homemade soup for my kids when they get sick, cleaning up dog diarrhea (glamorous, I know), or tackling the seemingly endless laundry pile. These aren’t grand gestures, but they’re recognizable. On the other hand, real love sometimes doesn’t look like you think it should—it may mean saying “no” to someone, setting boundaries, or standing your ground. Real love is not only for others, but for ourselves too. No guilt, no shame, no judgment—just love, that’s all.
Girl, I’ve done the dog diarrhea thing too! LOL! And Amen Carly “Real love is not only for others, but for ourselves, too”
I have experienced real love in real life in many different ways through my husband and children. One of those ways was when my 37 year old brother passed away suddenly while I was on a girl’s weekend with some friends. My husband called to tell me the news….I was completely devastated, in shock, and my mind was a blur. My friend immediately packed up my things from the hotel for me and drove me home. My husband was waiting for me at the door and I flew into his arms and just sobbed. What I didn’t know was while my friend was driving me home my husband had been making flight arrangements for me to fly back to Indiana to be with my family. He not only got a ticket for me but bought one for himself so that I wouldn’t have to fly alone. He made arrangements for our 5 small children to be taken care of while he was gone. The amazing thing to me was that he flew back with me, made sure he was by my side when I met up with my family. He hopped back on a flight 4 hours later headed back to Charlotte, packed up our 5 children and loaded them in the car. He drove from Charlotte to Indiana through the night just so I could have the comfort of him and our children during such a difficult time, he didn’t want me to be alone. I will forever remember the love, care, and sacrifice I felt from him during that time! I am so blessed to be walking through this journey called life with this man! I am so thankful for Jesus and the many ways he has showered his love on me through my husband and my family!
This made me cry. We were created for love and to love!! Thank you Katy!! I’m posting in honor of my darling little bright-faced compassion children, Marcia and Vinicius (who we affectionately call Vini 😉 Who hopefully one day we will get to love on in person 🙂
So on point Katie! I remember being pregnant with our first child Grace and being so sick…all day. Hoping that a change in scenery may help, Benjamin and I decided to take a little vacation. Unfortunately, my throwing up didn’t get the vacation “memo” and I spent the first hour on the hotel bathroom floor. Helpless and not knowing what to do, Benjamin (6’3″ 250lbs) got on the floor and just held me. I will never forget that moment.
My heart is bursting reading all of these special stories!!! THANK YOU sharing your life here today. Little ones around the world will see REAL LOVE in REAL LIFE! Spread the word!!!
I’ve planned to spend Valentine’s evening with my little family at home “doing real life”. Planned to make a cake, cook together and watch a good clean family movie. I want to spend this time with my little Valentine’s(and my big one, too) making memories and showing them the real love that each one of them bring out in me.
This scripture was in my head this morning from Proverbs 31…
“27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. 28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her…”
I want to be that kind of valentine for my family!
Yes Lacy! Beautiful!
Oh Katy, great blog! It has been too long. 🙂 I’m thankful for real love in my marriage today but also in my friendships. Friendships that last through football teams, cross-country moves, new homes, more kids, your husband’s best friend getting shipped off to a new team (without our permission!!) and all the rest. Miss you friend, prayed for you this afternoon. Come to Oregon again, or maybe we should try Texas. 🙂
Oh, I’ve seen it plenty times, and not many of them EVER on Valentine’s Day! The gazillion times I’d go through infertility treatments and for every single one of them my man was beside me with a look saying “I’d rather this be me”. He’s cleaned up my vomit as well as both of our kiddos. Its what love does. It isn’t just for the beauty of Valentine’s day, but for the every day, the mundane, the vomit and the fevers. Its there for the good days, but especially for the bad and ugly days.
Love makes males…men.
Love makes fathers…daddies.
Love takes the ordinary and makes it extraordinary!
Thank God for His love as the perfect example!!
Thanks for sharing this, Katy!
Toya, I loved reading this. Yes! “Love takes the ordinary and makes it extraordinary!”
My real love story is for Lonnie. He is my uncle and is on the home
Hospice side of cancer. Lonnie has always been an incredibly strong man and cared for his wife day in and day out. He is astonishingly weak, as most cancers make you, and can’t do much for himself. Real love is watching his wife care for him in every way and do it with joy and humbleness. See treats her husband with the respect and compassion his pride and soul need. It’s a bitter sweet real love. I am forever thankful for he opportunity to see this real love and to have Lonnie in my life.
Thank you Sara, for introducing us all to Lonnie & the beautiful example of love in his marriage!
Real love for me was the day John decided to stay by my side after an 18 hour surgery for a brain tumor removed 6 months after our marriage. We have mainly been living on love. Most men will not stick around when their spouse gets ill. John was raised right. Our son Parker is another love. I look at all the stuff that for Valentine’s Day and none of it represents what the day means. I personally think it is overrated. Sorry if I am not understanding the question right. My mind has not been the same since 2008. Love for me and my family is when it takes a family to comfort a sick child. John and I been through a lot and love from the heart is what kept us together. Still to this day, John’s love for me won’t end. I offered for him to leave me because of my health, he won’t because he loves me. Where is the card for that? John is what God had planned for me since 11/7/2006 when we went on our first date. <3 Thanks for sharing Katy!
Jenna, you understood the question just right!! THANK YOU for sharing your life of real love!
For me real love is best described by choice and sacrifice. Choosing to show and express HIS love no matter the circumstance; And sacrificing personal agenda, comfort zone, will, and desire to show that love is what does it for me….. It’s what I read HE did. … and what I strive to live out daily. ..
“Choosing to show and express HIS love no matter the circumstance” oooooooh, that’s good!
Katy, thanks for the beautiful post! For me a recent display of real love in my life has been to receive the letters from our own Compassion Child in Uganda…..to get a letter stating that he is praying for us, with our cushy lives, comfortable homes, abundance of food….such a beautiful spirit these children have. It is a reminder to give more of myself in everyway I can.
Wow! Love it when God takes our efforts to bless and love others & turns it around to show us His love & shake us to the core! Love this, Samantha!
Praising & thanking God for all you this morning! THANK YOU for sharing your hearts & sharing His love around the world!